I'm hired!

Today I had my first baking job at CC's cafe in Queen's Park. It took me three hours to get these two girls done. It's a good thing I took along some pastry I'd already made otherwise it would have taken a lot longer. I cooked in the cafe while the waitress nattered to me. At one point I had to make the lemon curd so I went into the professional kitchen next door where the real cooking is done for the restaurant. Wow! now I know that expression "if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen!" It's seriously hot in there. I included the last pic to show the potential of the place. It's done in a haphazard sort of way but has loads of potential to be something really special (I think).  I have decided to let it be a practise ground for me. I don't care what I get paid as she is providing me with a spring board to bake cakes, and build up a reputation as a baker.

This was a little test run for me and they've said they would like to give me more shifts. This is just the way I want to approach my baking. I'm given free reign to bake what I like and to do it at my own pace. What could be better? If I joined a slicker outfit I'd probably have to re-create the cakes and tarts they already sell and although that would probably present an interesting challenge, I prefer it this way. My cakes aren't intended to be "perfect" as that idea makes me feel very nervous and I would always feel that they're not "good enough". I hate that sort of pressure. This is more relaxed and I feel I can be myself. I am learning to be more precise in what I do but there always be a little flourish of creativity in what I do. When I was studying illustration at art college we were always encouraged to not worry about making mistakes and to make a virtue out of them. There will always be unfortunate blips in baking ie. things curdle, cakes don't rise, and soufles collapse but I guess you just have to learn how to cope... and improvise. Anyway, today went well and I have got my foot on the first rung of the baking ladder so I'm happy.

A thing of beauty

Yessss!!!!! I've just ordered my KitchenAid mixer and I am quietly very excited... looking forward to making mountainous meringues, soft delicate sponges, bouncy bread etc etc. And I've also got a meeting set up with a cake shop. I think I might be making some progress in my culinary life. I've been marketing my cakes recently and it seems to be paying off. I am thrilled. I think my Granny would be proud as she was the queen of meringues at the WI in Petersfield in the 70s and people would come from far and wide to taste her delectable cakes and tarts. Maybe I'm carrying on a family tradition... I love the creativity of baking. It’s fun. I enjoy choosing my ingredients and giving myself the challenge of a new recipe. It gives me huge pleasure. I trained in Illustration at art college and I have tried to channel my creativity into my baking.

I was given a lovely cookery book when I was small called “My learn to cook book”. It showed how to make chocolate crunch, victoria sandwich and croque monsieur with wonderful illustrations. They all became firm favourites in our family. I turned my nose up at school lunches and would regularly bake a victoria sandwhich with lurid coloured icing on top and include it as part of my homemade lunch. It was an important stage in learning how to take care of myself at school. As anyone who knows me will testify, I continue to believe in giving little presents to myself as part of the reward for life's hard struggles! I haven't decided yet which recipe I will chose to christen my lovely new mixer but I hope that it will set a precedent for happy baking.
 
Oh yes, on a crazy impulse I decided to enter the Great British Bake Off Competition on the BBC. There's a new series scheduled for the spring. I'm not sure whether to laugh at the idea of competitive baking but found this programme strangely compelling... anyway a friend suggested I have a go, so why not? Wish me luck!

Family

This photo reminds me so much about the past and my sense of family. It was taken in the 70's when I was about 14 years old and I am standing with my brothers and cousins outside in their garden in Wiltshire. I think we were en route to our usual sunny holiday in the Channel Islands. I am standing next to my best friend and the funny thing is that we fell out later on that summer because she fancied my older brother (not in the photo) and they had a fling on holiday.  I never forgave her!! Anyway, I love this photo because it reflects a time of innocence. There was plenty of boisterous rivalry between us but we were all connected as brothers and sisters, cousins and dogs (of course!). I was beginning to feel a little more sophisticated as a teenager but I was still very much enveloped in the rough and tumble of family life. I'm nostalgic about those days because I felt I belonged to a happy tribe and it felt good.

This sense of belonging is part of what I'm trying to explore in my blog. I feel it's very important to feel that you belong somewhere or with someone. Sometimes it feels like I'm completely alone and battling with the obstacles thrown in my path. And then I can meet someone, or get involved in something, which makes me feel it's all worthwhile and I feel part of something bigger than just myself. I love this feeling. It can be after a great conversation with a friend, or after I've just cooked a lovely meal and everyone's enjoyed it. The list goes on and on...

Maybe I'm feeling optimistic that Spring is round the corner. Winter has gone on for long enough and I want to feel happy again.

Sophie and John

My friends Sophie and John are getting married on Saturday. It's an exciting day for them and I'm looking forward to joining them for the festivities. I've made them this little painting and it's based on one of the little charms from Sophie's jewellery. I also chose a couple of lines from the Romantic poet John Keats to express the sentiment of love between two lovers:

Two souls with but a single thought
Two hearts that beat as one.

It's a beautiful thought expressed simply and elegantly.

I wish Sophie and John much happiness together.

Life Drawing

I started going to life drawing classes a few weeks ago. It's been good for me to work on a bigger scale and try out different materials. The class is nearby and is run by a lady called Bobby who was at the Royal College of Art and actually gives tuition in the class, instead of just leaving us to get on with it. The class is quite challenging as we are encouraged to really question the way we look at what's in front of us in the studio. The act of drawing and painting is a fascinating mind-game as you gaze at what is in front of you and try and make a connection with the marks you are putting down on the paper.

This week we had an exercise that totally confused me at first. Bobby asked us to forget about drawing the figure but look at what surrounds the figure as well. Start by drawing a small part of the figure and see where it leads you on the page, tracing the line to furniture, other figures in the studio... I found this very difficult at first and kept wanting to draw figuratively but eventually after several goes I got it. You start to look at the figure as a three dimensional object and in relation to what's around it. It helps you to place the figure on the page and really understand the shapes. Anyway I was quite pleased with myself that I could take a step in a new direction and, after a few crossed wires, I felt that I made some progress in my drawing.

Life drawing in general can help you to make little shifts in the way you think. I feel that it's similar to yoga practice as it depends entirely on your attitude to the pose and how you approach the exercise. Allowing yourself to make little changes and relax into the drawing process is what makes it work for me.

I am particularly enjoying going to this class as it is nearby and helps to make me feel more connected to what's going on around me. I discovered that my neighbour also goes to the same class so we have begun to have neighbourly suppers after class too! All very positive.